Arpeggio
by pellaz
Summary: Mika reflects on Touma. Rated PG for shounen-ai themes (duh).


  
  
  
  
  
  
Arpeggio  
  
A Gravitation fanfic  
  
*Spoilers for Episode 8; spoilers for Yuki's past, manga and anime version.*  
  
  
  
You have a beautiful smile, Touma.  
  
Anata....  
  
Did you know? In ten years of marriage, you have never called me that. 'Mika-san,' you say, as polite to me as you would be to a business associate. That's what I am, after all. We have an arrangement--I would please my father by marrying, and you....  
  
You....  
  
I know you've been with him tonight; the smell of beer and tobacco clings to you like a perfume. Oh, I know, I know--you weren't with him. Because he has that singer boy now. How does that make you feel, Touma? He's so near, and yet so far--your only love, forever out of your reach.  
  
I can sympathize.  
  
You are a different person when it comes to him. When I first met you, I admired your poise, your coldly cordial smile, the way you kept everyone at arm's length and yet managed to charm them completely. We became close during my junior year of high school--as close as you would ever let another person get to you, anyway--and one day, when I was sixteen and you seventeen, I brought you home.  
  
You were polite to my father, you smiled and baby-talked with Tatsuha--but he entranced you from the very start, your Eiri-san. My small, shy, lovely brother. When he greeted you and smiled, I saw a warmth come into your eyes that I had never seen before. I rarely see it even now: The warmth of true love.  
  
You've given up so much for him. Does he even know how much? You were the one who followed him to America, you were the one who shot and killed Kitagawa Yuki, you were the one who comforted him when we brought back him back to Japan. Only you, Touma. For the longest time, it was only your touch he could bear. Even now he brushes me off with a cold look, but you--he lets you touch him. A hand on his cheek, on his shoulder, your hair brushing his face. If I didn't know the two of you, I would assume you were lovers.  
  
You are strong, stronger than I could ever be. Perhaps your smile is your shield. You smile throughout the day, during business, during work, and only I see your smile falter when Shindou-san is mentioned. You are jealous. It worries me some--after all, I know what you are capable of when it comes to my brother. Isn't that awful, that I think my husband could be capable of killing his brother-in-law's lover? But that's the kind of family this is.  
  
But Touma... I trust you. I trust you to do what's right for Yuki. I know you will; how can you do otherwise?  
  
Where else have you been tonight, Touma? Besides the tobacco I smell the wind, the scent too strong to have come from your short walk to our house. You were outside a long time. And your smile... it's weak. I know you're tired of smiling, Touma. I know you hate being the strong one.  
  
Touma....  
  
Anata....  
  
You don't have to smile in front of me.  
  
You shrug off your coat, take off your gloves, and don't even glance at the fast food I have on the table before you head for the piano. You do this occasionally, and I know better than to interfere, so I get to my feet and begin clearing off the table.  
  
The sounds of the piano float past me, muffled by the wall between us, and I stop to listen. You're not playing the full, rich melodies you usually play; instead, you play one note at a time, striking each chord carefully, lovingly. I come back out and lean against the wall to listen.  
  
"Arpeggio," you say softly, surprising me. Your voice is muted, tired--soul-weary. I can't see your eyes. "A lonely way of playing. Ne, Mika-san?"  
  
Aa, Touma. Aa.   
  
How suiting for you. Forever alone, forever trying to entangle yourself with one person's chords, dissatisfied with all the others.  
  
Arpeggio.  
  
  
  
Author's Notes  
  
I did this at school today, during my two-hour study period. Fun. I've seen Gravitation 1-8 and am eagerly awaiting the rest, but I really had to write for it. The complex, confusing relationship between Yuki and Touma is definitely fun to play around with, and I admire Touma greatly besides; a ruthless, intelligent, yet oddly kind person who was one part of rocketing his band to monumental success. This piece takes place after he pushes Aizawa in front of a car in Ep. 8, which was a really... disturbing scene. It really hit home that he would do anything for Yuki.  
  
Following those lines, I decided to stick with the manga interpretation of Yuki's past--as I understand it, Touma himself was the one who shot and killed Kitagawa Yuki. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I thought that was much more suiting, much more Touma--revenge on any who hurt Yuki.  
  
Arpeggio is defined in the story somewhat; sorry if I messed it up. Also rather fitting for Touma.  
  
  
  
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